English Mrs. Nomers
1) The bandage
was
wound
around the wound.
2) The farm was
used to
produce produce.
3) The dump was
so full
that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish
the
Polish furniture.
5) He could lead
if he
would get the lead out.
6) The soldier
decided
to
desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is
no
time
like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was
painted
on
the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at,
the
dove
dove into the bushes.
10) I did not
object to
the object.
11) The insurance
was
invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a
row
among
the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too
close
to the door to close it.
14) The buck does
funny
things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress
and a
sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with
planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was
too
strong to wind the sail.
18) After a
number of
injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing
the
tear
in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to
subject
the
subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I
intimate
this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it
--
English
is a crazy language! There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English
muffins
weren't
invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take
English for
granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing
rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce
and hammers don't ham?
If the plural
of
tooth
is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So
one
moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2
indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do
you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I
think
all
the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship
by
truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How
can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to
marvel
at
the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it
burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an
alarm
goes off by going on.
English was
invented
by
people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human
race,
which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why,
when
the
stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
P.S. Why
doesn't
"Buick"
rhyme with "quick"?
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